A Promise From Above

My last weekend smoking, November 14, 2003.

I smoked my first cigarette in Gresham, Oregon in the 6th grade.  I hung out with the kids in the neighborhood that listened to Alice Cooper, Ozzy, and few other "hard rock" bands.  

I loved Alice.  His music was great and spoke volumes to my tortured soul.  Why was I a tortured soul? 

...

Here I was in OREGON.  Summoned by my mother.  She didn't want me with her to start but when it was opportune she had me come up to Oregon.  Mind you my sister had been there for a while.  The dogs had been there for a while.  My Step-dad had been there a while. The furniture was there.  My bed was there along with the rest of my room.  I was down in Tustin, CA going to school and living with my Grammy.  Now I was being sent for to live in a land of rain.  In place where the only persons I knew was my mother and sister and a visit occasionally from my Step-dad.  I felt unloved.

No bikes, no nearby playground, no choir, nothing that I was interested in was there.  Oh well.  So I hung out with kids in the neighborhood.  Most of them were troublemakers. Most of them smoked.  We all sneaked out of the house at night.  We hunted for worms and climbed trees - I was looking for something to fill the loneliness and isolation. 

My mother had my hair cut short. Hated it and felt ugly. 

I spent hours sometimes practicing pitching against the back of the carport. Bored enough to look at the carpet for hours. 

I would sneak into my sister's room and mother's room to snoop.  My sister had my stuff in here room.  Anger because I had no voice because no one listened.

Walking home from the school bus one day a girl that I wanted to be friends with got mad at me, for what I don't recall, and she spit in my face.  A giant fat logy.  SHE SPAT IN MY FACE! No one should EVER spit in anyone's face! RAGE!

Up in my room I realized that I could isolate more.  I listened to Neil Diamond. A record that my mother bought for me as acceptable music.  Frustration because I could not even choose my own music! 

Perfect set-up for starting a bad habit.  One that lasted almost a lifetime.  

HOWEVER ...

I reached a point in 2003 where the frustration and anger was about me and my habits and behavior.  I was sick and tired of smoking.  I couldn't smoke anymore.  I was spending $100 a month on medicines for asthma, allergies, and other stuff just so I could breathe. 

I knew I had to quit.  I wanted to quit.  I had quit several times before but it didn't stick. What was girl to do? NOTHING - I knew I could not do it on my own.  I read all the literature.  I read addition material.  I read and read and read.  Nothing but failure.

I knew that I had to stop smoking.  I knew that in my heart of hearts, felt it deep in my soul.  But I am so week, so human, so frail.  My will was not as strong as my addition to those cigarettes.  

I tried prayer.  This wasn't the "oh God keep me from smoking" but a quiet plea, a groaning of desperation.  I remembered Romans 8: 26-27

 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

My answer was in scripture.  The blessed words of wisdom, of understanding, of love and grace.  The opposite emotions of what I had been feeling when I started smoking. This might work. It had to work.

I prayed and looked through scripture.  Actually the scripture was revealed to me rather quickly once I resigned, (pride issues? That is for later) this to God and His will in my life.  More importantly, I willing threw this up to God for His strength because, well, I am only human and failed myself so often. 

I found this verse 1 Corinthians 10:13

We are never tempted beyond that which is common to man, God if faithful and just and provides a way a way out.

Smoking, an other behaviors, were me giving into temptations. CLICK!

I didn't stop smoking.  What I did was give myself permission to have a smoke ONLY IF I still had the will to smoke after saying the verse. Guess what!  I now have 2891 days cigarette free.  I plan to go the rest of my life by God's grace and strength.

In closing, I leave you with this scripture that I know is true and I should remember it more often:

I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.  Philippians 4:12-14 NLT

Living in Grace for the Moment!

Grace in odd places

So on the 84 it is mostly 1 lane. In a couple of areas it 2 then it merges back to 1.

Early on there was a small red car with a dark haired man driving it who passed us early on Airway. About a half mile to mile down the road the dude is pulled over in his car on the side of the road. "self - this is suspicious. This guy is trouble. Help us out God. "

Later on, a few miles, here he comes and passes us again. Then he is driving rather inconsistent. Passes, slows down and is in the other lane, so we pass him, he speeds up and passes us and tries to block other drivers along the way. Trouble in a little red car.

We are going along, not too fast, not too crazy, but rather tame for Brother Bri. At one point in the other lane there is a vehicle that looks like Chaplin Dave is driving it. I knew it was not him, but I recognize a "God" moment. There is something a foot, I feel it.

We pass the car where a guy who looks like Q-ball is driving. There is a frantic wife in the other seat. As we pass the wife gets calm, and the driver turns and looks at me, dead in the eye. We nod and he is a biker, old school from the tats. He smiles big and nods ahead and the wife waves at me. Interesting.

Not 2 minutes later the road merges back to one lane. The red car almost hits us but merges reluctantly behind us with honking and angry vibes. Now he is tailgating us and almost hits us from behind. Brian speeds up and keeps us safe. But the red car dude is still trouble and Brian has to go faster.

The Biker dude passes the red car dude illegally and firmly places himself between us and the red car dude. Each time red car dude tried to pass, biker guy blocked it. He stayed with us a bit until we were safe, and we were too fast for him.

Angels in all forms if you ask me.

Better late than never - an update

So here I am attempting to write and update on what God is doing in my life as I humbly try to submit to his will and serve him, daily. This is not an easy task because so often we are blind to the ways of the Lord. As it says in the word - his thoughts are so much higher.

One of the lessons God is teaching me at this time is Patience. I hate to say it because what happens when that word is spoken is that trials about and man, have they been abounding! So here's a brief review of the trials and tribulations the last few months... Mind you trials and tribulations is another way that God says to me "Hey, here I am. Waiting for you".

In the last few months God has really been showing his sense of humor. Following his prompting I have changed ministries 2 times, and now am in a season of 'tween ministry. Actually my marriage is my second ministry, first is my daily walk with My Savior and Best Friend, Jesus Christ. It seems that the ministry changes (BFC then GWMC) was a means of having my Husband and Myself focus on the importance of our marriage in our life. We have both come to public re-declaration of "If we can't do our ministry work together, then we won't do it!". It is a huge blessing because there are so many other people in our lives who are touched by this idea. One associate/friend of mine looked surprised when she heard me state this priority. She said it brave, and how it should be and wonders why more folks don't realize that about their realtionship with the spouse. Seemed like new news to her, but she agreed nonetheless.

More good news is that though my husband has been on disability and or unemployed for this last 11 months we are making ends meet, barely, but enough. God is faithful and gives us what we need. By focusing on our marriage we are spending less on other things that are sometimes needed in ministry, or in fellowship with other groups. God's timing and sense of humor is often shown in the great ironies of life.

Last week we were having car troubles and I had to carpool with a co-worker. The conversation turned to "bumper crops" and droughts. I was able to share my knowledge from the story of Joseph from Genesis as a tool that taught me about these vital agricultural concepts! The wonders that one learns as a child turned to a tool of witness for God as an adult. What a great day that was for His Glory! All because we are broke and I needed a ride! His ways are so much higher and so complex.

This is just a quick update on my wonders of being a servant for our most gracious and holy savior, Jesus Christ. Thank you for letting me share my joy.